Life is worth living again....

As soon as I had passed my Higher Secondary Exam,at the age of 15..a new life beckoned me..college,though girls.....was my road to freedom.

In between,though I was oscillating between,frocks on one hand and sarees(for college purposes only)on the other,people like Shibuda kept on intruding into my horizon,with possiblility of dalliances,but immediately rejected,due to their unattractiveness.I guess,I 'll never forget a few instances..Tapos kaku-a friend of my father's junior colleague-,went to the extent of trying to present me with a saree-specially brought from Calcutta,which my mother promptly paid for,making it a purchase,not a gift.He even called me to his 'mess'which he shared with his colleagues,& friends.I went one day,on the way back from college,he was apparently not present.a friend of his,lounging on a rickety bed,drawled,hinting broadly,with a sneer,if ever there was one 'tumi bujhtey paro na ,tomai o keno dekechey?'Then the whole picture became clear to me..I was standing,remained so,near the door,quite aware of the fact,by this time,that probably I should not have come to a bachelors' den,alone!!So the placement, near the door,keeping my escape route,within reach.My only answer to him was...'Kakukey boley deben...Kaku boley dekechi...onyo kichu noi!And abruptly ran down the steps,just outside the door of the 'mess' as fast as my saree draped legs would carry me.Breathing heavily from the effort of facing,braving and negating a 'proposal' and slightly amazed at myself,for having had the dare to do so. My Mother knew about it only when I told her,the next day.

Then there were a few more...Roychowdhury Kaku,an Air Force man,who literally stalked me for months on end,Debmani, a brat,a neighbour,with whom we played 'carrom',who would climb up a tree,to try and peek into our bathroom....those ridiculous days...!

In college I found a good friend-Sukhy and her sister Ruby,my best friends for a long,long time.
Actually Sukhvinder and Rubinder,their father-Uncle was the Sq.Leader,in the Air Force,so was their brother-Vicky bhaiya-who was undergoing training then,to us a hero,who read 'Ian Fleming' and from his tiny library of James Bond books,I read all of them,before I could see any of the movies.Then there was their eldest Didi-who was smart,went swimming and wore swimsuits and'tampons'while swimming,to me still a mystery in the days, though I would nod intelligently,when I was still struggling with other things,in fact until years later.

College meant freedom,friends,and a lot of other things,like starting to shape my eyebrows,by plucking,shaving underarms,remodelling blouses,to a deeper neckline,while my Mother stiched them with small necklines.I would cut them according to my desired depth and stitch them again,in fact,it made me learn stitching,though it angered my Mother,no end.Also realising that I could really sing,was admired by others,for my looks and intelligence...which was news for me, because,my parents..never ever did praise me.That was good in a way..that I never learnt to take myself so seriously so as to be egoistic.Bad in a way....that I never learnt to project myself as a winner,and took things as they came along.

In the meantime ,my brother had started going to school,was bright,prone to accidents,and illness.He would suffer from fever,and cough,from a robust child had become thin and emaciated
and my protective instincts were becoming all pervasive in our tiny relationship.My father too had been suffering from illnesses,due to his smoking,work pressure and probable approaching middle age.

I got to know later that my Mother,had undergone a sterilisation operation,since she was becoming pregnant,twice,to be correct.And my otherwise loving Father had been,a bit insensitive,with and about this situation.A reflection on the era,possibly.

4 years went by,my father got transferred again...this time to Bhopal.

In between,there had been an interesting phase,before we moved to Gwalior,when we were faced with the prospect of shifting base to Englnad.My father's name had been forwarded and approved,we had even started thinking of going to school there,etc.etc...As usual,things fizzled out,due to office politics.What a let down.....My poor darling Babu,always had had his share of bad luck.A gentle,but tough man,morally superior to many,socially conscious,kind to all humanity,be it a 'tongawallah or rickshawallah,truly secular,a fabulous singer,avid reader,phenomenal at Homeopathy,and above all loving,always loving and trusting,in whom you could confide anything and everything,including the day I had my first 'periods'he was the first person to share it with,he of course referred the matter to my Mother,who behaved abominably,and like a silly girl kept on giggling,enraging me.
He and my Mother instilled a sense of resposibility towards society,our country,taught us to be proud citizens,and above all the value of individual and collective freedom.

I feel that we may not have been well-to-do,but we were rich in many ways than one,our family was our oyster,we never needed anyone else...I still miss you Babu.